What Is The Key for Happiness and Balance In Life?

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Throughout the course of a day, we live through many different emotions. Our emotional reactions are not limited to joy, happiness, sadness or guilt, but embody a variety of almost interlinked emotions.

Emotional situations make us feel sad, afraid, worried, make us feel grief, hate, indifference. They make us feel happy, joyful, love, contentment etc.

When any emotional state is prolonged, it brings with it differing physical and mental states. For example, we may feel tired or exhausted, we may feel a headache or tension. Even after periods of prolonged joy, we tend to feel a depletion of energy.

We have the choice how to feel, it may sound hard to believe; but we do. The reason we have choice, is simply because we can choose to fight or hide how we feel, or we can choose to work with how we feel.

“how you feel is entirely your choice..”

You do not have to be bound by your emotions.

Emotional pain is something which can’t truly be described – all our experiences are different. But emotional pain can cause low self worth, anxiety, grief, destructive thoughts, anger, confusion, jealousy, greed, ignorance.. oh dear, the list is endless…

You do not have to feel angry, sad, bitter, afraid – how you feel is entirely your choice – Though it may not feel so at the time – When you are feeling down or upset it IS hard to know how to pick yourself back up.

Our emotions keep us bound. As in when we store up our emotions, or feelings. They crave expression; as such we find ourselves fighting how we feel. This leads to all kind of complications and irritations which can effect us when we least expect it; and in it’s extreme, can effect us all day.

If you choose to fight how you feel, you’ll notice that you feel tired quicker, are irritable, pre-occupied, self-absorbed, angry for no reason, impatient, depressed. Yet; when we choose to express and work through how we are feeling, we start to feel more relaxed, more comfortable, more confident and happier.

Do not fight how you feel

So you see, Do not fight how you feel, as it may just be the only thing which can save you from a downward slide. Even though your sadness may feel like a downward slide, once you have worked through it; you can pick up your life.

When we store things up inside us, either by being afraid to feel, or through restriction, it brings us down, it holds us in dark places.

We try to rise above those dark places, but they are ALWAYS there.
Strangling us, stifling us, starving us, denying us….

When you allow your self to feel, when you can acknowledge the emotions with pride, even the negative ones, to understand where they come from and allow yourself to FEEL the ownership of such emotions.
What happens is suddenly these feelings do NOT own you. YOU own the feelings.

When you can understand that repressing and hiding your feelings can actually cause our downfall. That’s when you can realise, that allowing yourself to feel, taking pride in your feelings – may just be the only thing which can actually save you and lift you out from where you are trapped.

It is said that there are two main emotions on which all other emotions are based. These two emotions are love and fear. All negative emotions have a sense of fear attached to them in some form.

Bringing peace and happiness into your life will help you to come back into balance. A balance of positive and negative emotions brings a feeling of emotional contentment, which neither pulls you too ‘high’ nor pulls you too ‘low’.

Healing our emotions requires a huge commitment from ourselves. No magician is going to turn up with a magic wand, wave it over you and suddenly you will feel better.

Negative emotions leave scars on our ego. Resentment, Bitterness, Anger are all vile and can greatly disturb our outlook and perception of life and situations.

In the same way that FEAR prevents us from experiencing new things, and from living life to the full, harbouring unresolved emotional issues can have exactly the same effect on our lifestyle.

For example;

You may avoid going to certain places
You may avoid certain people
You may refrain from saying what you think
You may shy away from certain experiences
You may lack confidence or courage
You may have low self esteem
You may lack self respect
You may find it hard to trust people, even those that are close to you
It’s one thing to understand WHY you feel a particular way, but that understanding can so often blame someone else, for your emotions.

For example;

I feel angry because they let me down
I can’t go there, because HE/SHE might be there
Last time I spoke my mind, they got angry
I’m shy because of the way I was brought up by my parents
I can’t trust people, because others have let me down so much
Resolving and working through your emotions requires you to first stop blaming everyone else for how you are feeling.
The hurt you feel is REAL, the emotions you feel are REAL, people may have acted in unjust ways towards you but by blaming them for how you feel is putting you in a victim role.

Working through your emotions means you are making a pact with yourself that you can no longer act the victim.

The fact that you’ve got this far, is an indication at least, that you are interested in finding a way to feel more comfortable with yourself.

Do understand that whilst working through your emotions, that you will find certain emotions rising up within you, and you may want to quit. That’s ok, because even a small amount of understanding and clearance will eventually settle within you. Our mind and spirit has ways of absorbing information, which gets processed when we least expect it. For example, you may just wake up one day and feel a little more confident, whereas previously you had not.

Where to start

Whatever the situation or experience, work through these bullet points below. It is useful to copy and paste into a word processor, or write your answers down. ( You can delete/throw it away afterwards).

How did you feel before the situation arose?
How did you feel during the situation?
How did you feel immediately after the situation?
How do you feel about the situation now?
As you answer these questions, be sure to focus on how YOU felt, not on what other people did or should have done. Don’t try to work out how you could have done things differently, or how you would have liked the situation to have played out. Be sure that you focus on you – and your feelings.

Have a look at the list of emotions and emotional reactions below, and see if you felt/feel any of them at any point. This list is intended to aid describing how you feel/felt.

Hiding how you felt
Taken aback

By looking over the progression of emotions that you felt before, during and after – it should help you to see how one emotion can easily change into another.

At the time Immediately After Now
Aggressive Angry Undermined
Anxious Rejected Angry
Shocked Concerned Worried
Doubtful Suspicious Untrusting
Taken Aback Shocked Concerned

When the issue/situation occurred a long time ago, this exercise can be very difficult. If you find it hard to remember how you felt before or during, it’s ok. The really important part is to express as clearly and honestly as you can. How you feel now.

Resolving all the feelings that you feel NOW, is paramount. But if you can understand the progression of your emotions, it will help you to see how your emotions unfold.

Because what we need to work on now, is to transform those negative emotions in a similar way, back to more positive or balanced emotions.

For example; (Soon and Later are broad time scales sorry! but the depth of you issue will effect how long emotional healing will take.)

Now Soon Later
Aggressive Accepting Calm
Anxious Trusting Calm
Shocked Understanding Accepting
Untrusting Understanding Trusting
Suspicious Accepting Trusting
Afraid Couragous Balanced
Concerned Accepting Trusting
Rejected Respectful Calm
Angry Accepting Calm
Doubtful Respectful Trusting
Taken Aback Accepting Calm

Whilst you may feel that you will never be able to remove your negative emotions or thoughts about the other person or people involved. In time, you will find a way. But first you must find a way to heal your own emotions so that you are not fearful or living a restricted life.

Now we understand

Now that you are clear on exactly which emotions are strongest in you. You can start to look at ways of understanding how to change how you feel into a more positive emotion.

This is different for each emotion, and we have on site a wide range of emotional response articles to assist.

Forgiving yourself and understanding that you responded in the best way you felt able to at the time, and that you were fully entitled to feel what you feel, may help you to face the issues more clearly.
Understanding that everyone has their own issues and sub-conscious responses can also help you to recall difficult situations.

The quote “Everyone has there own agenda” springs to mind. Everyone has their own reasons for creating situations, which then go on to effect us. Whether those reasons are good or bad in our eyes, we have to try to accept that what is done is done. Now, the healing within us must commence.


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